In the past few years, it seems most of my friends have gotten married and started families. Meanwhile, I’m still stuck sitting at the kiddie table during holidays and fending off inquiries from my mother about when I am going to give her grandkids. The old saying “always a bridesmaid, never a bride” certainly applies to me. So when this month’s Time magazine came in the mail with a cover story entitled, “Who Needs Marriage?” I sat down right away to read it, and what I found out is pretty interesting:
• A Pew research study recently revealed 39% of Americans say marriage is becoming obsolete.
• In 1960, nearly 70% of American adults were married, now only about half are.
• Eight times as many children are born out of wedlock, compared to fifty years ago
The article analyzed several reasons for these trends from women becoming more educated and independent to children of divorced parents not wanting to marry themselves. It discussed the status and the benefits of being married and why some people don’t choose to go that route, even if they are in committed relationships. As author Belinda Luscombe stated, “When an institution so central to human experience suddenly changes shape in the space of a generation or two, it’s worth trying to figure out why”.
So my question to you this week is two-fold. “Why do you think marriage is becoming obsolete? How do you personally feel about it?” You must answer both questions to earn full credit. Answers are due no later than Sunday, December 5th, 2010.
I think marriage is becoming obsolete because it is easier to get married and having a child out of wedlock isn't that uncommon any more so every one has the I don't care attitude.I personally believe it is one's choice to get married and me i really don't know how i feel about it in general.
ReplyDeleteFirst off I believe that marriage has become obsolete because our society's standards have changed. What was once majorly frowned upon is now not or even considered normal. People don't feel the need to commit to anything because its not acceptable not to. Personally I think its kind of sad. Its sad to me that children see their parents come and go with multiple significant others or even don't see one of their parents at all. I personally believe that marriage is serious and think that the reason so many people opt not to partake in it is because we have created a society of breaking contracts and agreements, thus why bother committing to something just to break it.
ReplyDeleteI think its becoming more common to be in a committed relationship, instead of marriage, because of how our attitudes are changing about women, love, and sex. It is no longer nearly considered as shameful and wrong for a women to have a child out of wedlock. Most women are now independent working women, many of who are waiting to have children to focus on their career.
ReplyDeleteIn my personal opinion, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about marriage. I'm not religious, so there is no appeal in that area. I don't believe a ring and vows cements a relationship. I can be just as committed in a relationship without being married.
Marriage is becoming obsolete because more people now have mindset for live in relationship then marriage, couples would just start liking each other then they move in together and forget about marriage, but this still don’t apply to all other countries some countries in Asia are still not accepting this kind of committed relation.
ReplyDeleteI do not have any problems with men and women living together without marriage as long as they don’t have kids, because if they are going to separate later then it will effect on that innocent child. I think Couples should not have kids until they are pledged to life long relationship. Marriage is not always necessary to have kids it’s just that if they are having kid together then as a parents it’s their responsibility to take care of that child together(until that child is old enough to take care on their own), and not just as single/divorced parent.
I think the reason that marriage is becoming obsolete, is because not being married and having children have become more accepted in our society. I feel that not everyone needs to get married, only if they feel like they it would strengthen their relationship.
ReplyDeleteI think marriage is becoming obsolete because this generation is either waiting later in life to have children or settle down so that they can educate themselves, or young women are having children too young. When you have a child or children too young, there is usually a situation where the the mother and father are not together, and then the women don't see the point. Many people are also finding that their relationship is working just fine the way it is, so why change something that is good and that works? Also many things that happen or change how we feel comes from experiencing some sort of pain. Divorce is painful and very expensive. Why go through that? I also know people that are having a wedding and doing the marriage thing without legally signing certificates. Sometimes I say I don't know if I'll ever get married, because I believe marriage is until death do you part. So finding that person that you want to experience that with is difficult and kind of scary. My grandparents have been married for over 60 years and that type of bond and power is beautiful. So if I do find that person I want to share a life together like that. But I am young now and have all the time in the world, no hurry.
ReplyDeleteI would say that marriage is becoming obsolete, as we go to another generation. A while back, parents of kids would say that it was the dream of woman to hurry up and get married and have tones of kids. Now? Not as much. It feels more liek people are taking marriage as a joke. when you her relationship, many joke about it and saying how long a couple will last.
ReplyDeleteMy personal is well... i'm not sure. i really never thought about marriage, cause i don't have a realationship at the moment. I don't see a problem with marriage, but i don't want to get into the concept of marriage, make sense?
WOW what has this world come to. The thought of being in a "committed" relationship and saying its like marriage... why change it upsets me. I was in that "committed" relationship and though marriage was in the future and that things were good and after 2 years we broke up...where was the committment in that? Marriage solidifies that 2 people are wanting to make a true committment to eachother. Now women do school and careers before they even think about marriage and that is a great thing. They are making themselves happy and fulfilling their dreams before settling down and making a family unit. I just wish people were more conscience of their actions and how it effects others especially if they have children out of wedlock.
ReplyDeleteWhat you read in the magazine has hit the nail right on the head. More and more women are leaving the homes to become more educated and work right along side the men. Even though they may not be making the same amount of money as the man does doing the same job, which is wrong. This has become prevelant in the fact, morgages have sky rocketed and it now takes two people to keep up the payment. Also, I think women are out to prove they can do just as good a job as business people as man can, which I think they can. They may not be able to lift heavy things for a length of time, but they can deffinetely do the same jobs in the corporate world and they should get paid for it. As we all know, we need that education for that better job so we can have the houses and the cars. Otherwise we will be living in the streets or having to live with roommates, which really doesnt work to well when you are in your 30s or even 40s. So you ask, "what are MY personal feelings about that?" I say let them do what they want and go do the work they want. My wife works and has an awesome job that pays very well and she loves what she does. I think most women, even back in the days where the woman just did house work and had many many babies, wanted to get out and do something different and make her own way. But, as we have seen in most history books, women have always been supressed. No longer is that true because now it is their turn to shine in the spot light.
ReplyDeleteI believe that marriage is more obsolete due to the change in times; we, as a society, have become more excepting of couples being together out of wed-lock. Yes, women have started to work more and go to school, but marriage should still be held sacred. I feel that the will of our creator was for us to be as one, man and wife, and without the commitment of marriage, we are going against his will, and going up against our creator, we will not win.
ReplyDeleteI think our society in general is becoming more independent. I feel like the general attitude is take care of yourself before considering anyone else. Marriage is something that could get in the way of many peoples careers. Especially people in school that may have to move across the country to get a job.
ReplyDeleteBeing an only child of divorced parents, I would still like to get married someday. Marriage is supposed to be a life-long commitment, so if someone isn't ready for that kind of dedication, they shouldn't get married. I also don't think they should be "looked down upon" for not getting married.
I agree with many people in the fact that many men and women are becoming more educated and want to figure out their life first before committing to another. I believe that, because I'm also doing the same thing. I have been in a happy 2 and a half year relationship and I have no intention of getting married anytime soon.
ReplyDeleteI'm still in school and I don't want kids or a marriage to interfere with any of my personal future plans. It is a little bit selfish to think of myself, but from all the work and money I've put into my education, I want to see it pay off.
Personally, I feel that with the Women's Rights and Feminist movements, women are initiating divorce when thet don't like something about their marraige. I also feel that people are getting married a lot later in life, as apposed to a few decades ago when people got married at 18 and 19. There are those instances where people are so comfortable with the way that their relationship is going, that they feel they do not need to get married.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is becoming more and more obsolete because the divorce rate is so high. 50% of marriages end in divorce and that is intimidating to a lot of people. I know a few couples that have been together for ten years, have kids together, and still prefer to stay single. They live together and might as well be married but they don't want the hassle of it. They said it scares them to get married at this point because they are worried about what the change would bring. Personally, I would love to be married someday, but I am certainly in no hurry. I would marry my boyfriend if he asked but neither of us are in a hurry. We just moved in together a few months ago and it is important to see how that goes for us. We are still young and feel that if we want to get married we will but there is no need to rush it. I think people get married for the wrong reasons and often too quickly. I don't want to be a part of the statistic though, because I know it would take me a long time to get over a divorce.
ReplyDeleteI think marriage is becoming obsolete here is because marriage comes with its complications. Taxes for example, you get taxed more by the government if you are married. It could also be that laziness is the issue, too. A couple might think that they can just be married for a certain number of years and then divorce each other to get the benefits in that. That's what I think in that aspect.
ReplyDeleteIn another point of view, I think it would be stupid if marriage becomes obsolete to us in our country. I mean where is the love in everything?! Are we just becoming a nation where we are so lazy and cold-hearted that love should be dead to us?! Heck no! There are a lot of benefits to love. For example, you get to be with the person you love for the rest of your live which means you will never be lonely. Also, you won't have to make life decisions by yourself. You'll have someone to back you up. Again, there are benefits to love so marriage being obsolete should never be an option in our country.
I think the reason why people think that marriage is obsolete because most people now do not want to make such a commitment. It used to be that women needed a man to own a house, have any sort of income, etc, but now women can do all of these things on they're own. Also, it's because women now have more choices of what to do when there is an out of wedlock pregnancy. Before women couldn't abort or raise the child on their own, but now those options are available.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I still love the idea of marriage. It won't be for some time, as I'm still in school and would like to make it on my own for awhile, work and all that. My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage, and while we have no problems moving in together as soon as we can, marriage won't be for a long while. I want to have a marriage because I want that partnership. While I will always have my family to fall back on, I want to make my own little family. I want to keep my traditions and keep my family growing. It's such a lovely thought for me.
I personally feel like the reason marriages are becoming obsolete are because yes more women are becoming more independent and career driven... but also the people who are in the age of becoming married have had to deal with alot more parental divorces than the baby boomers generation did. I was blessed with a family that has not had divorced parents, but my boyfriend has and it so so stressful for him during holidays and parties. The children really get the most hurt and long term effects of a divorce and many dont want to ever put their children through that.
ReplyDeleteI personally feel like marriage is really a person preferance but I feel like those who decide to make that commitment really should do it later in life once they have a career. I think the reason their are so many divorces is because people get married so young and fast, they dont even know who they are yet or what they want for themselves out of this life. Then once in marriage and start to change and evolve, their spouse doesnt change with them. Thats why they fall apart and get divorced. Marriage is a big commitment, and coming from a religous upbringing I feel like it should be taken very seriously and fully commited. Because you are making a family and a divorced family can have long term affects on children.
I feel as if marriage is becoming obsolete because people see more and more examples everyday of why they shouldn't be married. The divorce rate is ridiculously high. I also agree that I feel as if everyone I know is getting engaged/married or having children out of wedlock. I can't say that I have ever been eager to start either of these processes to my future. I have seen first hand how these things have effected my life. My parents have been divorced since I was in second grade. I have grown up watching my dad's second marriage crumble and my mother's third marriage bringing my family to ultimate lows. My older brother is married with two children and one of my older sisters has two children out of wedlock. I can say that through my life I definitely haven't felt rushed to do such things. I just know that even though I may not be religious by any means, I don't want to be married more than once. To me when you marry someone you should fight for everything you have, work together, and love every moment of your life together through the good and bad times. I feel as if the younger generations are rushing into things just to believe they have something in this world to look forward to without realizing all the hard work these things entail. I just know that people should think more about it and not make such rash decisions but that's like asking for rain in a drought.
ReplyDeleteI think that marriage is becoming obsolete because people don't think of marriage the same as our grandparents thought of marriage. I think that they don't think of it because divorce is being more accepted these days. I think that divorce being more accepted has a really big deal with why marriage is becoming obsolete.
ReplyDeleteI think that it really depends on the people. I think it also depends on the couple and how strong their feelings are for each other. I think some people would say it depends on if they have children which could have a little bit of an effect but completely save a marriage. I think marriage is an amazing thing.
I would like to go on the record as saying that marriage is one expensive break up! We see it in the media all of the time about how many millions one celebrity is handing over to another for the simple dissolution of their marriage. I see it becoming obsolete in some cases, because the sanctity of marriage is no longer seen as the coming together of two families. Babies are being born outside of marriage, and they are thriving and growing just the same as children from married couples.
ReplyDeleteI think marriage is becoming obsolete for the exact reasons you listed. First of all, the divorce rate has risen dramatically since the 1950's and I think this has much to do with the fact the women have started becoming more independent over the years. I also agree that children with divorced parents lose interest in becoming married themselves. My parents got a divorce when i was only about 3, so I've grown up mostly my whole life with divorced parents. I would say this has made me not really want to get married. The main thing I remember about my parents from childhood is that they would argue and bicker with each other whenever they were around each other. I would say this has made a huge impact on me not wanting to be married any time soon.
ReplyDeleteWell i think that marriage is becoming obsolete because people think as marriage as a practical thing, what i mean with that is that if it doesn't work out for any reason they can get a divorce an move on like if there were a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. And I personal feel about marriage that if i would get merry, is because i really feel comfortable enough to get merry with that the person.
ReplyDeleteI think marriage is becoming obsolete due to the high and always rising divorce rate. I also think that a ton of people take marriage to lightly, like it’s not some huge lifetime commitment or anything right?! I see people younger than me all the time that have wedding rings on, or babies on their hips. I personally think that there are just a lot of girls that want to be single mothers by the time there 25 ~ 30. I read that article in Time magazine as well, while waiting at an appointment. I found it extremely interesting. I don’t want to get marriage, nor have children. Marriage to me just sounds like a bad idea, people ALWAYS say “Oh you will get married and have kids…” No really I wont, I know I would not be a good mother. I don’t have enough patience for that shit. Kids are gross and sticky, and loud why would you want that in your life when you don’t have to. And as for marriage, it’s not for everyone, I love being single.
ReplyDeleteI thnk more people see that most marriages fail and that you don't need a piece of paper to prove that you are commited to someone. I don't think that getting married and having kids is the end-all, be-all to life.
ReplyDeletei think why a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons not out of pure love. Im surely not the one to talk but the matter of a fact is isnt that what marriage is really about because you love that person and that you would do anything for them because you simply love them. These days love is based on money. sex. and whatever else but not out of pure love. I think that i just gave my personal opinion as well but thats just how i see it. A marriage based on pure love REAL PURE LOVE will last til death do you part!
ReplyDeleteI think marriage is becoming more obsolete for numerous reasons. First, women are becoming more and more independent through time. Years ago, men brought home the bacon. Now, women have better job opportunities and are able to make money for themselves. In addition, it seems that people's attitudes have changed through the years as well. In my opinion, most men are just... well, jerks. And women are worse. Who needs marriage, I say!
ReplyDeletei think that marrage is becoming obsolete because people just dont care and it is not pushed upon people these days. the divorce rate is so high to so people dont want commentment. i dont really know how i feel about this
ReplyDeleteI personally do not think that marriage is becoming obsolete. When I meet that person I still want to get married and have that family. I think that people just do not want to make that big of a commitment, people are so into instant gratification and aren't willing to put into a relationship.
ReplyDeleteHonestly marriage is a piece of paper. Outside the personal realm, the only thing that is a bonus is that you share benefits. Either you are committed to one another or you are not. Marriage is being obsolete is because people fail to work at the relationship and grow apart. Women are more independent with their careers and are challenging societies expectations on their roles. I want a guy to be committed fully and if we decide not to get married then that's fine too. But I do hope for a small wedding.
ReplyDeleteI think it's becoming obsolete because people are career oriented and are more comfortable with dating without necessarily have a life long commitment. Maybe people are scared of commitment i really don't understand why this is. I love marriage, I got married @ 19 and I've been married for about a year to my "high school sweetheart" and honestly it's been the best time of my life.
ReplyDeleteI believe that out society is moving out of commitments. Everything you see now is about no contracts and all that jazz. It also costs a lot of money to get married. With how the economy is it's not just hard mentally commit but financially as well. I think that there are way more kids out of wedlock because we are just growing up too fast now days.
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